The First Eviction

I was thinking about my problems tonight, which compared to a lot of people really aren’t all that. And it made me wonder about the first eviction.
Here’s what I mean: God placed Adam and Eve in a perfect paradise. The temperature was probably perfect, 70 or 75 degrees constantly. The grass beneath their feet was like carpeting. They went barefoot and had no need of shoes because there were no stones or rocks or thorns to worry about stepping on.
The animals were all like pets. The horses nuzzled Adam as he walked by. The puppies and kittens climbed over Eve’s lap. The tiger bumped Adam’s hand to get his attention. He turned to her and she rolled on the ground like a cat waiting to be petted. As Adam rubbed her belly, he felt movement. Yahweh explained that she carried little baby versions of herself to reproduce. Someday, Adam and Eve would do that.
The birds flew around Adam’s and Eve’s heads and occasionally one would land on their heads. Living in Eden was like living in a zoo where all the animals were completely tame. Even the elephants and hippos frolicked about.
Food was always available. After all, they could eat from any tree except one. And the fruit was delicious! No cooking, just pluck an apple, or pear, and eat it. Or maybe vegetables like carrots and potatoes were eaten as well.
Adam and Eve had no need of a house for the world was their house. At night they would lay down on the grass, all snuggled together, perfectly comfortable. Yahweh would sit with them talking, like a parent – which He was, until they slept.
They had no need of clothes. Adam and Eve were totally innocent and clothed with holiness, which I believe appeared as an aura around them.
How long they lived in the perfect place we don’t know, but it had to be at least as long as it took for whatever animal God sacrificed to clothe them took to breed, because I’m sure God wouldn’t want to slaughter the only male or female of whatever animal it was.
All was perfect until the day when they sinned.
Then all the perfection was ruined. Adam and Eve were cast out of Eden. The temperature was no longer perfect. Suddenly shoes were a necessity. And clothes. And now most of the animals were not quite as friendly.
I wonder if Adam felt that gut wrenching feeling deep inside when he knew all was lost. You know that feeling. You get it when you screw up. Did Adam realize he was losing everything?
So the next time I’m worried about my problems, and how bad I think my problems are, I’ll stop and remember Adam, who really did have it all, and really did lose it all.

Life is Not Fair, Get Used to It

I always thought by the time I got to the age I am now – nevermind what that is – I’d be comfortable. That my life would be satisfying. But somewhere something went wrong.

Our financial straits are worse than when we first married. It seems like our house is falling down around us. Every time I try to do something good, it explodes in my face. The smallest of my dreams are dead. I feel unappreciated on so many levels. My job, while I like it, feels unsatisfying.

I realize it could be worse – it could always be worse. And lots of people are worse off than I am. I have a niece nearly the same age as me – she’s in prison. Others are divorced, abused,  have sick children. But as one person said to me “this is your journey.” So each of us has a path – some more rocky than others – to walk. And our path is our path.

Or as my pastor once said, “what’s not so bad to you, may be horrible to someone else.”

So I’m trying hard not to be bitter. And believe there are things that could make me be. But life’s not fair. I’m always saying that to my daughters. “Life’s not fair, get used to it.”

My mother was very bitter. The older she got, the more bitter she was. I’m trying hard not to be like that. I suppose she had a right to be bitter too. She was basically destitute – she had to live with someone. I think she was bitter because my father died and “left her,” even though they were miserable together. When I was a kid she received regular beatings from him, and he did worse things too, but still she stayed. I couldn’t understand that. I think she was afraid she couldn’t make it on her own.

So what’s my problem? I’d like to spend my time doing other things for one, instead of having to work. I’d like to have a few bucks in the bank and have a vacation to look forward to. I love my husband even though he is far from perfect and fell off his white horse long ago. But I wish he could just be the breadwinner. I wish my friends were loyal and there for me, and wanted to spend time with me.

My daughters are both good girls – one just graduated from high school and will soon be off to college, but I feel like a failure because they seem to be drifting from the beliefs I’ve tried to instill in them since birth. Maybe it’s just them testing the waters, trying to find their own path. I pray so, but it seems that the things that are important to me aren’t important to them.

And my prayers feel like they’re just bouncing off the ceiling. It seems like everyone around me gets just what they want or need. Their kids get the scholarships, they get the vacations, and everything else. Trust me, I believe in God, and I believe Him too, but it seems like, for whatever reason, He is choosing not to answer my prayers. I realize “no” is an answer, but all the time?

I guess when I feel the Weight of Glory, I’ll understand. But until then, I’ll just keep trudging on.

Goodbye and Good Riddance 2009

Another year comes to a close. Did you ever notice how some years seem better than others. This year was bad for most everyone, I suppose, because of the economy, but this year, frankly, stunk. So I say goodbye 2009, hope to never see you again.

2009, how I hated you, let me count the ways.

The year started with a death. My favorite cousin, Paula, who was a bright and shining light in this dark and dreary world died on New Year’s Eve. Yes I know, technically she died in 2008 but as the new year rang in, her death was quite fresh on my mind. She was only 61 and while she was a big woman (I say it was because her heart was so big, she needed a big body to keep it in), her death came as a complete and utter shock. Fortunately, we’d spent Thanksgiving and the Saturday between Christmas and New Year’s at her house, so I have lovely memories of her. She was a wonderful cook and always served her food beautifully. Eating at her house was like eating at a fine restaurant. She seemed to have the flu that Saturday, but had company anyway. I guess her illness took a toll on her body and she got up New Year’s Eve morning and asked her family to call 911, and she was gone.

Shortly before that we were informed at work that we’d all have to take 10% pay cuts. While I am grateful to have a job with a good company in this economy, that pay cut hurt. And continues to do so. I never thought I’d be struggling financially so much at this age. I didn’t have that much trouble when I was just starting out.

I went into further debt to buy myself another vehicle and gave my car to my eldest daughter. She promptly had an accident and now the insurance payment in through the roof. She’s responsible for it, but still, you try to do something good …

In April a dear long time friend died. Her death was not as shocking as my cousin’s, as her health had not been great, but she too was only about 61. She died far too young. And I had a chance to see her before she passed, and I didn’t and now must live with that regret.

Right after that a co-worker lost her battle with colon cancer. She was only 47.

We had more car troubles this year than I would have thought possible. Besides the teenager crashing the car, the battery on it died. Fortunately, the battery was still under warranty. That was one good thing.

I actually won a vacation through a radio contest, but we just couldn’t take it and they wouldn’t let us save it for next year, so we gave it to some friends of ours. They really deserved a blessing, and it felt good to give it to them, but we were all bummed not to get it.

My brand new “pre-owned” (but no longer under warranty of course) truck left me high and dry one night when the alternator died. Then did the same thing again when the fuel pump died.

And the depression. Somewhere along the way a deep depression has sunk its claws into me and I can’t shake it. I think I wouldn’t be as bothered by these things if not for the depression.

There was more, to be sure, but in order to protect the innocent I can’t divulge it in a public setting. Suffice to say, it really is true that no good deed goes unpunished.

And Christmas. I’m so glad it’s over. My kids were happy but of course it was not a big one this year. And I just didn’t enjoy it. Depression really does hurt. Not looking forward to New Year’s either.

Now it’s over; let’s hope 2010 is better.